On Childhood Trauma
There are many very difficult lifelong realities one must face who has experienced childhood trauma. It could be taken as a death sentence for reaching the joy of living at many points along the tulmutous steps of the path.
As a child one is using childhood survival skills to traverse the reality of the day. As the points are passed through and the mind and the body develop in the twisting vortex’s of the mixes of people, personalities and events the developmental stages of strength, resilience, overcoming, resetting and rebuilding become second nature. Only little bursts spit through at times with wonderings of, is this how everyone lives, they look like they do it differently, but the adults around seem to move ahead, as if this is how life should be lived. So the momentum continues on through pushing ahead, building, testing, experiencing, sorting, planning, setting goals and maneuvering the pot holes and sometimes, deep caverns that the lens of childhood trauma can lead to stepping into.
And if the consciousness is strong enough to keep rising to the surface to grab pockets of air, it will wonder was what I saw, what they said, what I was told accurate to the truth of my journey. The adult self will begin to search and look for the the matching of the past to facts as they can be found. It will look with a wise eye to the cycles, patterns, shortcomings of those who held the story of the path of the trauma to see if those presenting the moments were talking about it with awareness, insight, and accountability. That childhood self who longs for peace will repeat and repeat and recycle and revisit and reexperience, over and over and over again to breakthrough the suffocating veil of delusion, deceit, and distortion of the past.
What is mine, what is yours, and and what as I lay on the floor of consciousness is real.
If one is lucky to have passed through the tunnels of doubt, shame, guilt, unworthiness and blame, the eyes begin to open in synchronicity with the heart and for the very first time in the trauma survivors reality there is oneness inside, a congruency.
Adult trauma is not the same as childhood trauma. Childhood trauma survivors do not have a foundation of love, security, safety and support to return to after passing through healing, as adult trauma survivors do.
Childhood trauma is life altering from day one. There is no back, only onward in the hopes that one day a settledness of soul will be given to the insides of the weary, rugged traveller.
Lori Ellis-McKinney RSW
Owner
