The other side of the coin

To be so life giving all my days

Then to see it all disappear in a flash

In a simple sentence.

To be consumed by sorrow

At such a level

That it robbed me of my essence,

My ability to love, to be present

To administer my calling

To be an instrument.

Consumed by unspeakable grief

Lodged so deep in my interior

I could not pray it out, drive it out, work it out

Sweat it out and all the other methods I tried

With complete abandon.

House on Fire

Crazed inside

No language to describe the suffering the fury.

Devastated by the hurt I saw in the eyes of those I held dear

and loved with all my heart all the days of my life.

Though I did not blame them for their rejection of me

I knew they could not understand the

root of my funnel.

And so it is written as my destiny, the one for which I had

no ability to control.

Settle I did try

With all my might.

                    ~Lori Ellis-McKinney (2013)