Growing Tired

I just grew tired,

Tired of the Mask,

Tired of participating in things

I didn’t believe in anymore

Tired of the Dance

Of smoke and mirrors.

Tired of going along with

The interpretations of

Others who appeared to know the Way.

Tired of the disappointment and disillusionment at the end

Of an empty road.

Tired of mounting my energy to

Be part of something that

I knew in my heart was

not going to lead

to a positive outcome.

Tired of finding the place in me to restart, reset,

Forgive, and understand when

It would only come to that place of needing to

Do it again and again.

Growing tired led to a deep desire to just lie down

In the aromatic green grass

To grow still inside and breathe

To drink in the silence, the non movement.

To rest my weary soul and heart.

To feel the gentle wind on my face,

The heat of the sun in my heart,

The pleasure of the full moon

In my abdomen.

The restoration of my walking feet to allow

My simple walk to speak of the things I knew

To be true.

To gather myself up wholehearted, whole bodied

And begin again

Slowly and gently walking my Way

Toward the Grace of the Creator

To allow my soul to be filled with a power greater than myself.

And I was tired no more.

~Lori Ellis McKinney (2015)