Shivering cold….was what I remember most about that dark shocking night. The night we awoke to a house of flames. Left standing outside in the snow in my nightie, barefoot, at the tender age of four, with my brother Greg. We were entranced into listening and surrendering to the sound of the house taking on air to allow it to burn larger and brighter in the dark of the sky. Waiting in what would become and all too familiar knowing of how some moments can seem like a lifetime. Our small bodies shook as we waited for our mother and brother who were still inside the house of devastation, waiting to see if they were coming with us. And they did. This was first memory of my life.
Many, many, memories for which I will not give a voice at this time, have each in their own way contributed to the path I walk today. I write today to give hope to those who suffer, who endure who are lost who have no one to whom they can turn. Who keep on even after giving up. Who cannot and will not be defeated. It is for you that I begin to share my story and for whom I write poetry. It is for you that I wake each day to embrace the grace that so readily surrounds me and channel it to be an instrument in the World. Every morsel of my being oozes with humility and obedience to the force that raises the sun each and every day. Each day is a miraculous gift, even in the darkest of moments.
Finding the way home to ourselves is a process of dying to, many times. Dying to love, dying to pride, dying to fame, dying to humiliation, dying to success and dying to failure, the ebb and flow of this process is the Dance of our lives. I have been dancing wildly for a very long time. Born of good genes, well steeped in rigor and determination I set sail early to chart my own course. Shaking things out of me and feeling my spirit roar has always been a special friend.
It is true; the biggest Dance of my life has come to an end. The glorious, gut wrenching, blindfolded, laughable, Shakespearian play type drama of the life of Lori Ellis McKinney, to this date. It is true I will always Dance, however the tango with myself has ended, and I bow to the changing winds of life, of which I will never be the master. For which, I am now pleased to be master of nothing and knower of little. Amen.