I once sat with a powerful successful man who had been watching me over many years and knew by witnessing, my childhood background and my climb out of those limitations.
He accurately assessed vulnerability in my current life by saying to me “Lori you care for so many and are present to peoples suffering, who do you go to Lori”. My answer was quite simply No one. I explained that I had learned when I was young how to care for myself, be independent, to survive and to push forward in my desires and vision for my life. That I have many ways that I support myself in that process that are not traditional in nature and that consist of private solitary moments. That I have times when I am low and overwhelmed and consumed by fear and sorrow, that I allow myself those moments and always have but they are mostly in private, other than when I have sought out teachers with whom I wish to submit myself, my vulnerabilities and struggles then I open my inner chasm and reveal the essence of me both in strength and weaknesses, just as my clients do with me. For I do not ask anything of anyone I am not willing to do myself.
However, I had learned over my life that as I worked on and explored my interior, made sense of my past, discovered my blind spots, limitations, and weaknesses, and healed trauma that I must be cautious to only reveal my depths in certain moments to certain people who could hold the chamber of my lived reality. Otherwise, I would be left feeling misunderstood and unsupported in the disclosure.
I also explained to the man who was in some was indicating he wished to support me, emotionally and financially and could assist in those needs to allow me to reach my goals faster, that I was blessed in my life to have an Eagle Eye that is always pointed straight out, assessing and seeing the paths of others, their intentions, their motivations and their lived reality. That even though I mostly stay silent with regards to what I see, one should not underestimate the ability of my seeing, thinking that my inward journey, deliberations, contemplations and vulnerabilities in some way prevented me from also seeing the depth of the journey of another.
Survival makes a person street smart and able to see others in a way that provides an opportunity to ensure my own protection and strength to stay on my path with the knowing that in the end I must carry myself through it. So that I am secured with what I am, what I have and what I do by my own choices and decisions. Freedom! I have always been willing to stand in the consequences of my choices, good, bad or indifferent. There have been great life lessons learned in all of it. No regrets.